Passing Afternoon
by Known Unknowns
Summary: Tony, McGee, Gibbs, and Abby struggle to cope with Kate's death. Multi-chapter tag of sorts to Twilight/Kill Ari.
1. Kate's Blood

**Passing Afternoon**

**Part 1: Kate's Blood**

A/N: I've never written anything in depth about Kate's death, and I feel like I owe it to her memory to churn something out about the events of Twilight and Kill Ari. After all, she was (and is) my favorite character. So, I present this fic. There will be four chapters, one a day for four days.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, and I don't own the various lyrics I took from Passing Afternoon by Iron and Wine.

* * *

_"There are times that walk from you, like a passing afternoon. Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon, and she chose a yard to burn, but the ground remembers her."_

* * *

One second, he's listening to Kate talk, relieved that she has a bullet proof vest on, and the next he hears a resounding **bang, **and then feels a spray of hot liquid on his face. Everything seems to be in slow motion as Kate falls to the ground, and he can _see_ the light fly from her eyes, see her soul leave her body... he sees her _die_.

But, that can't be right... Kate was just talking... Kate can't be dead. But yet, there she is on the ground, a pool of blood slowly spreading from the back of her head, her eyes sightless and staring at nothing at all. His mouth hangs open slightly as he puts a hand to his face. He pulls it back, and the warm liquid is blood... _Kate's_ _blood_.

He hears Gibbs whisper Ari's name as he points his SIG at the rooftop of the nearby building. He looks back down at Kate's body. "But..." he trails off, not knowing what he's trying to contradict. He here's footsteps and gunshots as Gibbs races along the rooftop, firing at Ari even though there's not a chance in hell he can hit him at this distance.

He kneels down on his hands and knees next to Kate, and even though he can see it with his eyes, feel the last blood that pumped through her body on his face and hands, he doesn't quite get it. He can't comprehend it... he slides two fingers to her pulse point needlessly, and he hopes for something. Anything. He waits like that for a long time, but there's nothing. Her skin is cold, unmoving. She is a porcelain replica of Caitlin Todd put on display for all to see, perfect with the glaring exception of the bloody red dot on her forehead.

"Kate..." he says her name. His voice doesn't sound anguished, more confused. "Kate." he repeats, and he thinks a part of him is trying to call her back from the dead. "No..." There's that anguish he was expecting, the crack in his voice, the sound of someone who's lost and doesn't even know how to take their next breath.

He hears footsteps nearing him and feels a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't react to it, doesn't respond... he continues to stare at Kate, making direct eye contact with the brown orbs that will never meet his own again. There is no spark, no shine, nothing. There is only emptiness and a frail reminder that life is fleeting. There one minute and gone the next.

"No." he says resolutely, shaking his head. "_No_." he has always been the kind of man that can look at the reality in front of him and refuse to accept it, and this is something he cannot... _will not_ accept. Caitlin Todd is _not _dead.

"DiNozzo." Gibbs calls his name, but he's too numb to respond, he's so busy trying to think of a way that this could be all wrong, that this is a mistake, that the terrible proof right in front of him isn't a fact. He can't come up with anything.

Gibbs switches positions, crouching in front of him. He feels the older agent's hand on the side of his face that isn't soaked in blood. _Kate's blood. _"Tony, look at me."

He barely lifts his head, and he meets Gibbs' bright blue eyes, and he feels hot tears burning in his own, threatening to spill over.

"Boss." Tony whispers before his eyes fall to Kate once more. "She's..."

"I know." Gibbs purses his lips, pointedly not looking at Kate.

McGee arrived on the roof at that moment, gasping for breath and dripping with sweat, and looking close to a panic attack if his white knuckled grip on his weapon is any indication.

"Are you guys okay? I heard gunshots -" he stops dead in his tracks when he sees his and Gibbs' expressions, and the wires slowly connect in his mind to who they are crouching over...

"McGee, call Ducky." Gibbs tells him, and McGee was still far enough to only see Kate as an indistinct lump, so he doesn't actually see the body. He turns away, licking his lips like he always does when he is nervous and blinking his eyes rapidly as he heads back down the fire escape.

Tony is fairly sure he hears retching echoing in the distance.

The autopsy van soon arrives and takes her body away, Ducky and Palmer both flinching visibly at the sight of Kate's body. "Oh Caitlin..." is all Ducky says, and he remains unusually quiet as her body is loaded into the van.

Tony, still covered in blood, sits down in the backseat of their cruiser, allowing McGee to ride shotgun next to Gibbs. He stares at his hands the entire time. He says nothing during the ride back to the Naval Yard. McGee looks at Gibbs, eyes shining, and his green eyes ask a silent question.

"Ari." is Gibbs' grunted response, and anything McGee needs to know is answered. He sees the probationary agent clench his fists, and he sees that McGee is in the middle ground between how Gibbs feels and how Tony does. Tony feels distant and empty, and Gibbs is filled with murderous rage. McGee is the median between them.

They arrive at NCIS, and when they step into the elevator, the three of them realize that someone will have to inform Abby. McGee looks sick to his stomach at the prospect, and Tony has not formed a coherent thought since the bullet pierced Kate's skull. Gibbs says he will do it, then glances at Tony.

"DiNozzo... shower. Change." Gibbs instructs, as his gaze goes from Tony's face, to his hands, to the knees of his pants, which are soaked through with blood from where he kneeled next to Kate's body. Tony nods, and when McGee gets off at the bullpen, Gibbs follows to drop off his bag before heading down to speak with Abby. Tony remains in the elevator as it heads down to the ground floor. He steps out when it dings once more, and he makes his way to the locker rooms and the showers. It isn't until he takes his shoes off that he realizes the bottoms of his shoes are covered in blood. If someone wanted to follow him, all they would have to do is follow the bloody foot prints he left behind.

_Kate's blood._

He strips off his clothes and throws them in the trash, along with his shoes, even his socks - he never wants to look at any of them again. Ever. He has backup clothes in his bag that he'll wear when he's done getting cleaned up.

The thrum of the hot water beating down on him offers him a stunning amount of clarity, and he looks up into the shower head. _Kate is dead. _It finally sinks in, and he finds his head dropping so much that his chin touches his chest. His eyes burn, and he can't tell if tears are flowing or not through the wash of searing water. He wants to feel cleansed, to get the feeling of being soaked in his partner's blood off of him, but he can't. No matter what he can do to his body, his soul will never be scrubbed clean.

He looks down at his feet, and sees blood swirling with the water. _Kate's blood._

* * *

_A/N: Reviews make the world go 'round!_


	2. His Superhero

**Passing Afternoon**

**Part 2: His Superhero**

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS and make no profit from this story, and all rights to the lyrics from "Passing Afternoon" go to Iron and Wine.

* * *

_"There are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days. Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made, and she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings."_

* * *

McGee watches as Gibbs heads toward the staircase without another word, Abby's lab his destination. He decides in that moment that Leroy Jethro Gibbs is the bravest man he's ever known. The only thing that could make him feel worse right now was if he was the one who had to tell Abby. Feeling like a zombie, McGee sits down hard in his desk chair, causing it to spin slightly. He looks forward, but he's not really _looking _at anything. His hands hang loosely at his sides, as his eyes glaze over.

He refused to look at her body when they were in the warehouse district. _Kate's body. _he mentally corrects himself. It's not just the usual ambiguous body that is shipped off to autopsy without a second thought... this was Kate. His coworker. His friend... and if he was being honest with himself, his superhero. He wants to remember Kate by how she was when she was alive... he doesn't want to remember a corpse. However, images unbidden flow into his thoughts, blinding him to the squad room and instead presenting him a grotesque image of Kate with the top of her head missing, blood and gore the only remnant left.

_Stop! Stop! _he screams at himself, wrenching his eyes closed and covering them with his hands. He struggles to remember the last time he saw Kate alive, the last time he was near her...

_"You know how to work that if we have to jam the drone, McGee?" Gibbs asks as he races towards the warehouses in Norfolk._

_"Uh... well... Abby explained it to me, but I gotta be honest with you boss-" Gibbs chooses that point to take a sharp turn with the car, nearly knocking the laptops off of McGee's lap and sending him into the door._

_"I'll figure it out!" McGee squeaks in response, eyes wide._

_"What's today's date, Kate?" Tony questions abruptly from the shotgun seat._

_"May 24th." Kate says. She's sitting right beside him, seeming nervous from their approaching confrontation with Ari and his terrorist cell. She, of all of them, has a right to be nervous._

_"Paula Cassidy's ship gets back from the Gulf today. We're hooking up this weekend." Tony tells the car at large._

_"Well, don't you think you should concentrate on the terrorist attack first?" Kate asks, seeming exasperated._

_"The whole Marine Amphibious Strike Group returns today, Kate. Five ships, all of them headed to Norfolk." Tony explains further._

_"Tony, I doubt that a drone, even when packed with explosives could do any real damage to a warship." he chimes in from the back, fingers still flying over the keys of the keyboard, trying to understand the complex engineering of the drone._

_"The pier will be packed with Navy families, McGee." Gibbs tells him, and that's when the magnitude of what they're trying to stop hits him. Ari intends to send the explosive drone straight into the waiting crowd of wives and children of the returning sailors and Marines. This could be worse than 911... and they're the only ones who could stop it._

He realizes now that he didn't say anything directly to Kate while they were in the car together. He can't even remember the last thing he said to the other agent. Now her body is downstairs about to be cut open and dissected like some kind of frog for a science project, and he can never speak to her again.

He should have said something, something nice to her before she went with Tony and Gibbs to infiltrate the warehouse. But how could he have known then that it was the last time he would see Kate alive? And what would he have said? _I've always admired you. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you. Thanks for making me a better agent. All those little nice things you said to me kept me going. You're a great agent. Thanks for having my back. Thanks for keeping Tony and Gibbs from killing me._

And those didn't even begin to cover it. Kate means more to him than she'll ever know. Of course, now she can't know anything... because Kate is dead...

The only comfort in any of this is that she died just as she would have wanted to, protecting her country. She died a hero. _She lived as one, as well._

He finally removes his hands from his eyes, and he looks outside the window and sees that in the short amount of time between Kate's death and now, whenever now is (he has long since lost track of time) almost completely pitch black clouds have gathered over DC and have began producing copious amounts of rain, drenching the landscape that had previously been enshrouded in the blue and white of twilight with sharp, pounding droplets.

"Look, Kate." McGee says, laughing to himself a little. It scares him how close to insane he sounds. "Even the sky is crying for you." A part of him thinks that maybe if he pretends Kate is still alive, a miracle happen and his delusion will become true.

But deep in his heart, he knows he's speaking to the air, and no matter how much he denies the reality of Kate's death, it does not change what's happened. He lets out a sob he didn't know he was holding back, and he leans his head down until his nose is touching his desk, and he locks his fingers behind at his neck, covering the sides of his face with his elbows.

He tries to be strong, tries to be strong like Kate would be. God, she was so strong...

* * *

_A/N: Feedback is incredibly welcome! Gibbs' part is up next. Also, I really encourage you to listen to "Passing Afternoon". It's a sad yet beautiful song._


	3. Condemnation

**Passing Afternoon**

**Part 3: Condemnation**

Disclaimer: NCIS isn't mine, and the lyrics to "Passing Afteroon" belong to Iron and Wine.

* * *

_"There are sailing ships that pass, all our bodies in the grass. Springtime calls her children till she's let them go at last."_

* * *

Gibbs sighs heavily as he halts in the concave at the bottom of the stair well. He hides himself away in the small alcove before the hallway that leads to Abby's lab, and he leans his head bag against the wall, his body shaking with grief and unshed tears.

_She's gone. She died because of you... for you... that bullet was meant for **you**. _When things go wrong, this is what happens. A voice, an angry version of his own breaks him down from the back of his mind. He is a man who takes guilt and self hatred to a whole new level. He is a man who carries the world on his shoulders, and still thinks he should carry more.

He is a man who is not as strong as he pretends to be.

_This is your fault. Shannon. Kelly. Now Kate. How many more people will die because you can't protect them? Who's next? Tony? Abby? You can't save anyone... you're not the strong one. You're not the super hero they all think you are, this has proven that much._

He feels like it's all finally slipping away. He's been holding everything in, holding himself together with the bare stitches of himself that remained after the death of his wife and daughter. He has managed, for the most part, to keep from letting the cracks take over. Now he can feel them spreading, like he is a pane of shattered glass.

_She was the real hero... she always was. The one time she needed you, and you weren't there. You let that bastard kill her, you let your team down. You let Kate down, and now there's one more death you're responsible for._

A single tear slips down his cheek, and he drags the back of his hand over his eyes and takes several deep breaths, breaking off his inner scolding monologue. Abby needs to know what happened to Kate...

He tells people everyday that their loved ones are dead. Their wives, brothers, sisters are long gone... yet right now, he finds himself rooted to the floor, because the idea of telling Abby that her best friend was just shot dead on his watch... it's something he doesn't think he can handle. He doesn't know how she'll react. Will she be like Tony, eyes vacant with a hint of longing, running through the motions but not really aware of anything? Will she be like McGee and struggle to hold it together, rage, regret, and sorrow all mixed together? Or will she be like him, and blame herself?

He doesn't know. He prides himself on understanding people, especially _his_ people, but God... he just doesn't know anymore.

He is faced with death once again, and it makes him want to run screaming from the Navy Yard.

But this is not the time to turn to cowardice. He will not leave McGee or Tony to tell Abby this, and he's sure as hell isn't going to let the Goth find out second hand. She needs to know, and she needs to know from him.

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a split second, and plunges down the hallway and into Abby's lab, much like he is diving into a dark body of water that he cannot see the bottom of.

Gibbs shuts off the music as he walks in, and Abby turns and breathes a sigh of relief before smiling at him and getting a running start into a hug. She throws her arms around his neck, and he hugs her around the middle with much more desperation than usual. "Gibbs! I was getting so worried, you guys have been gone for hours, and more hours than usual, 'cause I mean you guys generally take a few hours to do your special agent type stuff but not this long and especially when it's just in Norfolk-" She is rambling at high speed just like usual, peacefully oblivious to what is happening.

"Abby." Gibbs whispers, interrupting her rant with a voice that he can barely recognize as his own.

"Sorry!" She apologizes quickly as she pulls back, still smiling at him. However, when she sees the look on his face, her smile quickly falls. "Oh no." her green eyes widen significantly. "What happened?" She can tell that fast that something is wrong. He doesn't want to look in a mirror right now if his expression gives that much away.

_I let that bastard kill her. I let Ari kill Kate... _Abby had never taken death well, and this one, it would destroy her, because this isn't just a stranger... it's her best friend, practically her sister.

"Abs..." he pauses. There is only one way to do this - quick. Like ripping off a bandaid. "Kate's dead. Ari shot her when we were in Norfolk." Maybe it's too blunt. Maybe it's too straightforward, but he wasn't going to pussyfoot around it - giving Abby false hope would only make it ten times worse.

This was the only way. She deserves the truth.

He decides that the only thing that can level with seeing Kate die right in front of him is seeing Abby's heart snap, the feeling reflected in her large, expressive green eyes. Her mouth falls open, and she stares at him for a what seems like a full minute before moving. Finally, she sags into his chest, her entire body trembling in his arms.

That's when she stars to cry. Ragged, loud, choking sobs, muffled only by his shirt that she is slowly wetting with her tears. She jerks in his arms as grief and loss dominate her, and for one of the first times in her life, Abby is utterly silent. She says nothing, just expresses her emotion in the only way she knows how. He will stand there and hold her as long as she needs him to.

The death that has changed their world has enwrapped them all in tortured silence, and he's not sure how long it will take for it to dissipate. Maybe it never will.

* * *

_A/N: Remember, this is before Gibbs' finds out that Ari was actually aiming at Kate, so he's killing himself on the inside. Anywho, review please! Abby is up next._


	4. Gone

**Passing Afternoon**

**Part 4: Gone**

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, and the lyrics to "Passing Afternoon" belong to Iron and Wine.

Author's Note: I apologize for Abby's part being shorter than the others, but I really didn't want to beat the dead horse when it came to certain things.

* * *

_"There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all... winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls."_

* * *

Even though it's nearly summer, the late Indiana night is ice cold and blustery. Abby tucks her hands under her arms as she sits down hard on the ground in front of her best friend's grave. She crosses her legs and shivers to herself, but she finds herself not caring that it's just above freezing out.

How can she care about anything other than the marble grave in front of her? She reaches out and places her fingertips on the icy surface of the grave, knowing that what's left of Kate is six feet under the ground. She frowns, pursing her lips as she bends her head, trying to hold back the tears that have been threatening to spill out almost every second since Gibbs told her that Kate was gone.

_Gone. _It was a word generally considered a euphemism for when someone passed on (which in itself was a euphemism) but to her, it hurts much worse than the words _dead_ or _killed_, or even _murdered_.

_Gone_ just seems so final, so insistent that there's no turning back from this point, that it is quite simply the end. No arguments. No miracles. Just _gone_. _Gone_ means _gone_, and _gone_ lasts forever.

But that's the reality that she's facing in the form of this cold stone, the fact that Kate is never coming back. No more office gossip, lunch breaks to the health food place down the street, weekend retreats and girl time, late night conversations when one of them just couldn't take the silence of their own homes anymore...

Kate isn't coming back. Ever.

Abby leans her forehead against the grave, and for a second she wonders if her head will freeze to the grave. She snuck out of the hotel that her and the rest of NCIS crew that knew Kate had stayed at that night, unable to sleep, unable to do anything... she wants Kate. She wants to see her, talk to her, and the fact that that's impossible makes her want to scream and cry and punch walls.

The person she needs for comfort the most is the only person unavailable to her. This is as close as she can get, and she hates it.

She needs to do something. Sitting in her too-nice hotel room and pretending that life should just go on unaffected by Kate's death made her sick. She's never been one for sleep, anyway. Sleep is when she's vulnerable, when the nightmares can get her, or the 'Bete Noire' as Kate would always call them.

She half wishes she was still seeing the Gothic version of Kate she had imagined while they searched for Ari, but once Gibbs finished off Kate's killer, her friend had permanently disappeared.

She wants to cry, because then the hurt can go somewhere, but over the past week she has cried so much that she has nothing left in her. Her eyes are dry. There is nothing left to do but try to figure out what comes next, and right now, she doesn't have the faintest clue.

She doesn't know what point it happens at, but when she next opens her eyes, the sun is burning at her retinas, and a very concerned Gibbs, McGee, and Tony are hovering over, all of them breathing enormous sighs of relief when they see her.

"Abby, when we couldn't find you in the hotel, we were really worried." McGee says, pursing his lips as he put a hand on his shoulder. Gibbs hand finds the other, and she looks to see Tony kneeling behind Kate's grave, his chin resting on the top so he can look at her.

"We had to track your cell. Really gave us a scare." Gibbs murmurs, squeezing her shoulder as he helps her up. "Come on, Duck's waiting in the car."

"Next time, leave a note, huh?" Tony says, trying to give Abby a smile, but it comes out as more of a grimace. He looks terrible. Dark bags hang under his eyes, which don't even have a ghost of their usual spark.

"I'm sorry." she whispers to the three men gathered around her. "I needed t-to be with her." she doesn't know if that makes any sense, but her friends don't question it. A moment later, she finds herself in a group hug, apparently from the three of them all trying to hug her at the same time.

For the first time since Kate died, she almost feels like things have the smallest possibility of getting better... because Kate is _gone_, but she will never be forgotten.

* * *

_"A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone."_

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading everyone. I would really, _really_ love a review to hear what you think. :D


End file.
